I need more opinions on my poem. I'M BEGGING for feedback! What do you think of it?

These are all things my poetry teacher taught me. Don't use "world" it's cliche and abstract. Don't use illumination, hope, misery or despair because they are very abstract and ineffective. Insert concrete words for imagery and to be more effective and avoid abstractions like they're death. Cut your words too, like "it" in the second line my poetry teacher told me, "Pretend every word costs you five dollars." There's definitely places you could cut and add effective words here.